What are hijacking moments?
What I am introducing to you today is how to Bounce Back, Overcoming Obstacles. Obstacles such as emotional hijacking moments happen instantly and unexpectedly and can derail you from what you were on track to accomplish. A hijacking could be a car accident that blindsides you or a pink slip stating you’ve just been laid off without advance notice. What I bring to the table are my experiences living through hijacking moments; tools you can use to live through your own hijacking moments, allowing you too, to bounce back!
What physically happens when you are emotionally hijacked?
When you experience an emotional hijacking, your amygdala, the almond shape portion of your brain that sits behind your optic nerves, detects and sends out signals to release stress hormones to activate the fight-or-flight response. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk studies the traumatized brain, he supports this evidence and calls this “the brain’s smoke detector”. The response is triggered by emotions of fear, anxiety, and anger; you feel threatened and afraid.
Typically, when people think of hijacking moments, they think of an airplane or car being hijacked. However, your emotions, ideas, thoughts and life can be hijacked. When I was 34 years old, I was hijacked when I suffered an accident which broke my back on the job. The doctor said he would do his best to put me back together but he said, “You will be permanently-partially disabled for the rest of my life.”
Accepting your reality will release you from Hijacking Moments
I had a choice to make. I could resist my reality or I could accept it. When you resist your reality, you stay in the emotional hijack. You create your own pain and suffering, which is an optional choice you make. You stay stuck wishing things were different. When you accept your reality, you recognize you can’t change the situation. Then and only then can you move on.
I was determined not to let a disability stop me from living my life. I refused to let it stop me, I BOUNCED BACK! True, I couldn’t change the outcome however; I could change what I chose to accept, how I felt about it, and my inner world and outlook on life.
We all have moments during our lifetime where things happen which we have no control over. True, some can be derailing, causing an explosion of emotions, and can turn your world upside down depending on their intensity. It’s important to remember you have a choice of how you will deal with the hijack.
Real-life example of Bouncing Bank and leaving Hijacking Moments behind
Let me introduce a client of mine, I’ll call her Sarah. Sarah heard about Coaching with HEART and asked if I could help her. I asked her why she was considering coaching; we then set up a time to talk. I explained, I would have more questions than answers on our first get-together and asked, are you OK with that? Oh yes, absolutely! What’s going on? I’m struggling in this new normal, I’ve tried to cope but I still struggle with the fact that I may not find a job once this Pandemic is over and it has me worried.
Where are you struggling, can you explain? My unemployment is about to run out, I can’t seem to find a job except for minimum wage and none of them fit my experience, skills, and strengths. My children are experiencing virtual learning for the first time at home, which causes me internal conflict; how can I expect to work a job out of the home, hire a tutor and sitter, and live a normal productive life.
What would be the perfect scenario or solution for you? I am a creative, I would start my own business doing the things I love. What would that look like? Many of my friends have unfinished projects and they always contact me for advice but they never seem to finish their projects. I would start a business finishing small but meaningful projects for people that never seem to find the time.
We created a plan and Sarah agreed to coaching. I coached Sarah into developing her own unique path complete with her own roadmap and tools she could use to turn her dream into reality. Her roadmap compliments her experience, skills, and strengths, includes most important to her, which serves her purpose, and passion. Today, Sarah’s success has led her to starting her own lucrative business.
Life is full of change
Life is full of change and change is going to happen whether you choose to accept it or not. Change resonates with each of us based on our experiences and with the seasons of life. Think about the changes you have experienced in your lifetime, what you chose to accept, what you chose to feel, and how you chose to accept your outlook on life.
Anyone can become instantly emotionally hijacked by a sudden onset of disease, a workplace crisis or the death of a loved one.
In April of 2018, I was emotionally hijacked by an aggressive cancer diagnosis, the treatment caused me to lose my dignity, hair, and strength. Additionally, I dealt with the rollercoaster of emotions. I felt threatened and afraid. I immediately decided I would not give cancer permission to take over my life, I refused to let it stop me, I BOUNCED BACK! True, I could not change the diagnosis or the disease however; I could choose what I would accept, how I felt, my inner world, and my outlook on life. In the middle of treatment, on the steroid days, which were once a week, I finished writing my book Bouncing Back! Overcoming Obstacles.
Think back to your last hijacking moment, where something happened all of a sudden, which emotionally hijacked your brain in a split-second, what would you recall?
Would it be a workplace crisis, unexpected diagnosis, or the sudden death of a loved one. You would know what happened, where you were, why it happened, and how it made you feel. Hijacking moments are derailing, causing an explosion of emotions, and can turn your world upside down depending on their intensity.
In the case of workplace crisis, you could be dealing with a bully boss who destructively criticizes your work. You begin to second guess yourself because you never feel good enough, there is too much pressure and not enough support, you feel you can’t say NO, you feel disrespected and powerless. You become derailed every day from what you were on track to accomplish. I give you tips on how to be assertive at work and how to say the most powerful two letter word in the English dictionary, NO!
An unexpected diagnosis of Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Disease, hijacks your health. You’re sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for results. Something has changed with your health, you either found a lump, you can’t seem to be too far from a bathroom, or you have a constant pain in your neck, not the kind from your significant other. You feel hijacked because these diseases can shorten life expectancy, cause enormous pain & suffering, and take a toll on your budget. These types of emotional hijackings are what keeps you awake at night because you live with the emotional roller-coaster of feelings of the unknown. I help you transform your creativity, and give you 10 ways to manage stress and maintain your energy during hijacking moments.
What about the sudden death of a loved one? Your heart is hijacked with grief. The unexpected loss can leave you feeling paralyzed and emotionally distraught; inertia sets in. Confusion, anger, and guilt are some typical responses to the death of a loved one. You may feel the absence of a beloved companion more painfully if you shared a long life together.
Now that you know about hijacking moments, let’s look at some tools that stabilize your mind.
- Practice taking deep breaths. Breathe in slow and deep through your nose for the count of 4 and exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 5. Practice this relaxation response 3-4 times a day.
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation from head to toe. Slowly tense and relax each muscle, one at a time, from head to toe.
Anything that will engage your cognitive brain will decrease the emotional hijack. In my book I show you many more techniques to stabilize your mind.
I have some tools to empower your wellbeing; helping you tap into your subconscious mind, and setting boundaries.
- Subconscious – distract your mind
- Boundaries – protect your space
Three keys to recognizing gifts from Hijacking Moments
I want to give you THREE KEYS to recognizing Gifts from those Moments.
The 1st key: What’s most important to you? What do you value most about your life? This is your first clue as to the gifts you receive and how you can use them. In my book I take you through a core values exercise.
The 2nd key: What is your passion? What gets you out of bed in the morning and fills you up inside? What do you do naturally which makes you happy? This is your second clue as to the gifts you receive and how you can use them. In my book you will learn how to tap into your passion.
The 3rd key: What is your purpose? Your purpose is your internal guide, it influences your behavior, and creates meaning in your life. This is your third clue as to the gifts you receive and how you can use them. In my book I show you how awareness will help you discover your purpose and direction and bring balance into your life.
The only way to receive gifts from hijacking moments is to take action on these three keys; What’s most important to you, What is your passion, and What is your purpose.
When I realized my gift was a second chance at life after being hijacked by cancer, I asked myself where can I add value and focus on OTHERS, and make a positive contribution!deb Olejownik
I asked Edie Tolbert, Founder of The Stonebrook Project, a Non-Profit which provides free spa services for cancer patients; “ Edie, how I can I help you with your mission?” “We need a Volunteer Training Program!” to help raise funds to continue with our mission “I can help you create one!”
I discovered through my work what most leaders want is their own path to follow when it comes to leadership. Many leaders follow someone else’s road, not their own. I help you get off the beaten one-way road and create your own path complete with your own personalized roadmap which defines goals and outcomes and includes the major steps or milestones needed to reach your desired and optimal success; serving your purpose and passion.
As an administrative assistant turned growth-driven leader, I understand why some leaders bounce back where others stay stuck. I am a leadership coach with a focus on helping leaders (we are all leaders) get unstuck from hijacking moments. These moments happen instantly and unexpectedly, derailing us from what we were about to achieve.
I’ve helped hundreds of individuals, and organizations recognize hijacking thoughts and feelings about their leadership. I am now helping leaders create their own path to success complete with their own unique roadmap. Your roadmap eliminates following someone else’s path, serves your purpose, and channels your energy to your unique leadership strengths supporting your own success, complete with major steps or milestones needed to reach your desired goals and optimal success.