The Acronym and it’s Final Two Letters are Where the Resilience and Trust in Coaching with HEART Emerge
In part one of HEART, we talked about the Coaching With HEART acronym which stands for Habits Engagement Alignment Resilience Trust. HEART are the things that come up most often in conversations and when working with leaders, teams and organizations.
I am my clients thinking partner,
I coach the person not the problem.
Stop Resisting Change
But first, let’s talk about old habits no longer serving your purpose or passion, they create an uncomfortable rut that is easy to accept because acceptance of change is more “painful” for some than staying stuck in old habits. As the saying goes, old habits die hard. You become stuck in old ways of doing things made impassable by resisting change. This resistance becomes your “norm” because it is easier to resist than accept discomfort.
The problem with resistance, it’s too easy to stay stuck and too hard to break free from the discomfort unless you experience something that changes the trajectory of your life.~ Deb olejownik
Life Altering Moments are Hijacking Moments
Example: a sudden change in lifes trajectory
Jarrad, is moving along in his personal and professional life, it’s OK, although he wishes things were better. He works extra hard to accomplish his goals, he achieves a few however, he is frustrated he’s not making the progress he expected. He takes it upon himself to work more to accomplish more, resulting in longer hours, compromising his family time and his personal time.
Then one day he begins to feel uncomfortable pressure, he has a lag in his energy, is not sleeping as well as he used to, he starts noticing a gradual weight gain, his blood pressure is higher than normal and his hair starts thinning. Jarred chalks it up to stress and keeps going. A few weeks later he has his annual exam, the doctor notices the difference in him from last year. Jarred tells the doctor he feels fine he’s just under pressure at work.
The doctor runs a few tests and notices something of concern. Doc tells Jarred to start incorporating self-care into his routine. Jarred thinks yeah right, like I have time for that. He can put up with a little discomfort until this project is complete. A few days later, the doctor calls requesting Jarred to come in to discuss the test results.
Doc says we need to run a few more tests to confirm the diagnosis of disease. Jarred looks at the doctor in utter shock and disbelief. He’s angry that this has happened to him; he tells himself this disease should have skipped his generation, he refuses to accept the fact he has a disease.
By resisting Jarrad creates his own pain and suffering, a choice he freely makes. When people are faced with life-altering situations, I call them intense “hijacking moments”, it is hard to accept the fact that your life is going to change forever. Who wants to accept the fact that they have a disease. No one, right!
However, if you continue to resist, things can become progressively worse rather quickly. When you have the courage to accept the things you cannot change in your life, change the things you can – such as your attitude, inner world, and outlook on life, you begin to gradually gain a different perspective. It takes time! It’s not easy however, but it’s worth it! And the end result is becoming resilient.
The R is for Resilience and Resilience is adapting to adversity!
Resilience is the principle of adapting to adversity and emerging stronger than before. Becoming more resilient not only helps you get through difficult circumstances; it also empowers you to grow and even improve your life along the way. Life without resilience is detrimental to your being.
Going back to Jarrad’s story, it took some time for Jarred to accept the fact he had a disease that would change the trajectory of his life, especially if he refused to change his ways.
Acceptance is hard but the alternative can be fatal.
When Jarred realized he could increase his chances for a better life and potentially avoid some serious side effects if his disease was left unmanaged, that was his wakeup call.
He made the decision to not get wrapped around the axle about all the little things. He gradually started changing his habits by incorporating a few routines; embracing the discomfort of change. Jarred scheduled healthy eating habits, drinking more water, routine self-care such as walking nightly and going fishing on the weekends. By embracing the discomfort of change Jarred slowly started feeling better and more comfortable with the change, as a result, he trusted the change process.
T is the Final Letter in HEART, Which Stands For Trust
Trust Changes Everything!
Self-trust is where it all starts, once you trust yourself (inner work) then and only then can you work on building and inspiring trust with others. Self-trust is revealed through clarity of character, confidence, courage, and congruence.
“Your character, confidence, courage, and congruence help you stay in the driver’s seat of your inner work; driving your own unique mindset from a resilience perspective.”
~ Deb Olejownik
You cannot imagine life any other way. If you make a wrong turn in life with trust, your primary intention will be to figure out why it happened and how, then to correct it and get back on the right path.
Another way to interpret trust is to look at it from a vulnerability perspective. Trust requires emotional and courageous vulnerability. Relationships both personal and professional are built on emotional trust; you expose your inner vulnerabilities in hopes that no one will violate your trust or take advantage of your openness.
Trust is courage, trust is emotional, trust is vulnerable. When a relationship is built on trust you know it because you feel it. When you surround yourself with people you trust, you create an environment that is not only safe, it is conducive for better relationships and future business.
Old habits die hard; they create an uncomfortable rut that is easy to accept because acceptance of change is more uncomfortable than staying stuck in old habits. When you have the courage to accept the things you cannot change in your life, change the things you can – such as your attitude, inner world, and your outlook on life, you begin to gradually gain a different perspective.
Becoming more resilient not only helps you get through difficult circumstances; it also empowers you to grow and even improve your life along the way. Trust changes everything. Self-trust is where it all starts, once you trust yourself then and only then can you work on building and inspiring trust with others.
I am my clients thinking partner, I coach the person not the problem. I am interested in reading your comments. Please share this post with your friends. If you would like to talk more about a thinking partner, schedule a time to chat.