Breaking the Dependency Trap: How to Build a Team That Doesn’t Need You for Everything

“Dependency is a trap that’s easy to enter, but hard to escape,” according to author Frank Sonnenberg.

Is your staff too dependent on you to move projects forward?

Have you ever seen this happen?

You go to lunch with several people. It’s a restaurant with a big menu, and you’re on a tight schedule. Most of the group is deciding pretty quickly what to order, but there’s one person who wants to know what everyone else is getting before they’ll decide what they want.

That person keeps asking the rest of the group for input and just can’t seem to commit to putting their order in.

You’ll be at that lunch for longer than you’d like, right?

Unfortunately, this kind of indecision can happen in the workplace, too.

The Trap of Creating Too Much Dependency

All too often, leaders create indecision in their team by failing to develop their employees’ confidence, skills, and independence.

Let those staff members become too dependent on you as a leader, and you’ll have a team that can’t move forward when needed.

Here’s what that can look like:

• Delayed decisions because your staff doesn’t know what to do.
• Projects get slowed down and stalled because no one can move forward.
• Smart, ambitious employees get discouraged because they aren’t allowed to innovate.
• Failure to take accountability because staff are disconnected from a sense that they can determine results.

Why Leadership Can Feel Heavier Than Expected

When people get promoted into leadership, it’s exciting at first. A sign we’ve done well and are being rewarded and recognized. It’s an empowering moment.

But as we live out that new role, we realize… it’s not so simple to lead well.

There are challenges we never considered until we’re trying to figure things out as we go.

Questions arise that seem frustrating, uncomfortable, even nerve-wracking.

• Why isn’t this easy?
• What am I doing wrong?
• Why doesn’t my team get the stakes?
• How do I fix this so the team and I can reach our goals?

These questions are there to help you grow.

Instead of getting stuck in questions, it helps to realize there are answers! So many people have had to develop leadership skills. Centuries’ worth of them. This isn’t a totally new path.

This is good news! There are tools to help new leaders transform from a doer to a developer of people.

In other words, the questions that get new leaders stuck can also be the key to making progress and enjoying success for yourself and your team.

Imagine:

• Recognizing where you’ve been creating bottlenecks instead of flow.
• Equipping people to be proactive and effective in their roles.
• Mentoring team members so they become skilled at finding answers on their own.
• Stepping in to address problems only when your level of expertise is truly needed.

Learning to Delegate and Develop Your Team

Developing your team takes time, patience, and deliberate effort.

The payoff is a staff full of skilled, thoughtful employees who are invested in outcomes, proud to take accountability, and committed to the company’s success—because they see that success as their own success as well.

But how do you get better at delegating?

Here are a few quick tips to help you build your delegation muscle.

1. Be intentional about it.

Delegating doesn’t happen automatically. It’s a choice.

Take a look at your to-dos and team goals, and identify a few that are getting bottlenecked because you haven’t yet handed off some of the responsibility.

2. Start small.

Muscles get built by lifting small weights, getting acclimated, then lifting higher weights.

If you’re having a hard time delegating, it’s okay to start with small, low-stakes projects and build your strength in this skill.

What little tasks could you hand off to someone today?

3. Trust your team.

This is the biggie, but it’s important.

Delegating means developing a certain level of trust. So choose to build up that trust among your team—through training, through practice, through patience.

When you get better at developing your team, they’ll become better equipped to do their roles with excellence—and it’ll be even easier to delegate.

It’s a win-win cycle that YOU can start building today!

Create More Flow by Identifying Your Bottlenecks

Take a look at the list of things you’d like your team to gain traction on. Then, narrow that list down to one or two tasks that haven’t gotten done yet because you’ve been the bottleneck.

Ask yourself:

Do any of these tasks require me to let my team know it’s okay to proceed?

If so, do it. Give them permission to act, and let them pursue the task.

Even better, let them know if that task is something they can feel free to do without asking you first.

Are any of these tasks not getting done because the team member hasn’t been trained to do them?

If so, is there someone else on the team who could do that training?

Why not invite that person to do a little mentoring for that specific task? You’ll be preparing that person to step up and also helping your team be more capable across the board.

Is there anything I have trouble letting go of?

If so, ask yourself what makes it hard to hand off that task.

Is it a favorite of yours? Maybe someone else on the team can learn to love it too.

Is it crucial? Maybe you could share with your team why it matters so much and get their buy-in for its value.

Learning to hand off tasks takes practice, a little grace, and people skills.

The good news is, you don’t have to learn this alone. Fellow leaders, coaches, and mentors can all help you get better at this if you’ll ask.

What Matters Most: Developing a Team That Succeeds Together

You and your team can actually learn to work together, with everyone fulfilling their specific role with excellence.

That way, everyone—leader included—can succeed at mastering their part of the puzzle. And you all succeed together.

Happy leaders learn to hand off tasks, develop trust, and set clear markers of success so their teams can take on responsibility effectively.

Quick Practice: Start Developing Your Team

Think about where you may be allowing your team to be too dependent on you.

• What does your team usually come to you for?
• What do you usually do in those situations?
• What outcomes are you seeing because of how you handle these situations?
• What do you wish was different about those outcomes?
• What might you develop your team to do on their own?

Now, identify one thing you can begin to develop a team member to do:

• What small thing this week could you hand off or train someone to take over?
• Who on the team could you hand that task off to right now?
• What do you need to share with them so they can do the work without hand-holding?
• How will you feel when you truly train them to do it, so you don’t have to do it yourself?

Remember this key insight:

Great leaders don’t build dependence on their answers—they build confidence in others to find solutions!

Many leaders get promoted without learning the difference between doing the work themselves and developing those they lead. But it is a skill that can be learned.

At Coaching With HEART, our From Doer to Developer program equips leaders for this vital shift into sharing responsibility so teams are successful and burnout is beaten.

Reach out to learn more or start a conversation.